Why aren't you a Trump supporter?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 00:01

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:
It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms
If someone works for me, I actually pay them
I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet
It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter
I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink
How do you identify a woman player?
I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane
I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight
I took the same Oath and took it seriously
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I don’t watch or listen to advertising
I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write
I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”
I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.
I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”
I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes
What is your daily motivation and does it work?
I have complete contempt for fakery
I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”
I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center
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I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”
I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light
I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP
I can count
I have complete contempt for traitorism
I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”
I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is
I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality
Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?
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I know who the president of Turkey really is
I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup
I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened
I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”
I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”
I have an acute aversion to scumbags
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Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.
I actually pay taxes
I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t
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I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t
I don’t cotton to rapists
I can read
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I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones
I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”
I see through liars
Have you ever answered your door in lingerie?
A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y
I understand how hurricane paths work
I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions
EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that
I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”
I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes
When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability
I have a reading level above third grade
I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t
I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee
When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP
I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity
I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard
authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday
I don’t buy bullshit
I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”